Here I am. Sitting in a friends house, waiting for his return so I can get to work. My mom, along with everyone else, thinks I'm running away from my daughter. Which I could never do. I Love her too much. They always complained that I didn't do anything. Didn't have a job; didn't go to school. So I got a job. I'm doing something completely legal and am getting paid for it. What do they do? They complain! I leave at night while my daughter is asleep. That way she doesn't miss me. But I'm a bad mom for not being there? Even though she doesn't know I'm not there and I'm getting money so I can help support her? Does that sound like a bad mother to you?
And Steven, I can't stand him anymore. He's so confusing. We've broken up. I understand why he'd be a little upset at that. I really do. But he's yelling and screaming and cursing at me for things I can't control. I've been sleeping at my friends house so not to make it worse by being around him. I get back before my daughter wakes up but he's still angry.
And Thomas; my brother. Someone shoot me. He calls me lazy and a bad mother. Even though he's lazier than I am and he's never there for his daughter and I'm always there for mine. There are so many things I would love to say to him. Things that would hurt him and make him think, but the one thing I know it wouldn't do is change him. So what's the point to wasting my breath?
At the moment there are three good things in my life. My father, my daughter, and my friend John. Though my dad is crazy and mean sometimes, he's the one person who will come up to me and tell me that I'm being the best mother I can be. And that he knows that mom is sometimes wrong even though she won't admit it. Through everything, that man has kept me sane. My daughter means the world to me. More than the world to me. So much that it's impossible to decribe. Every morning I see her smile and it just lights up the room. I don't see how anyone could be mad or sad when she's there. So far, I can't. :) And last is John. He has been so good to me through everything. Letting me stay at his place so I don't have to fight with Steven in front of my daughter. He'll stay up with me until he can't control his eyelids just so I can vent to him about people he doesn't even know. He's sweet and honest. Well, that's about all I have to say so, good read and good night.
1 comment:
I can't imagine it's ever easy to be a parent, but I know you can be the kind of mother you want to be. As long as you always always always follow your conscience and do what is right, you can always stay ahead of the demons that swallowed our parents. Never forget that they love you, I love you, and not only does your daughter love you but she also needs you. And don't forget kiddo, you have every right to tell Steven to get the heck out of YOUR HOME!!! There is no reason for you to have to sleep somewhere else when your family wants you there with them.
ps Don't let Tom get to you, he's just jealous you're so much better at taking care of yourself than he ever could be.
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