I'm Done

"I'm Done. I'm done explaining. You don't want me? Fine. I fucked up. But everyone does. If you walk away from everyone who fucks up, you'll end up all alone..."

I made a huge mistake with someone. I fucked up big time and it seems to have ruined my chances of ever being able to try to be happy with someone that I really care about. And I understand that what I did was really fucking bad and that I have no right to ask for forgiveness. Which is why I'm not. All I'm asking for is the chance to prove that that's not who I am. Even though I know damn well that she knows who I am. I'm not a bad person. I got drunk, and I did something stupid. But I can promise that I'm not the only person who has ever done that. Nor am I the last person who will ever do that. No one can tell me that they have not done something stupid while they were drunk. No one other than those people who haven't been drunk before. (just in case ya'll get literal on my ass.
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I'm sorry. I've said it a million times. I'll say it a million more if I have to. But I'm not going to explain myself anymore. She doesn't seem to care what I think or feel about what happened. Doesn't seem to care about my opinions about it. So I'm done. I want to be with her. But if all she's going to do is scream low blows at me and then walk away as if they didn't hurt me at all, then I'm not going to waste my time trying to make her happy.

Sexuality

I've been bisexual for a long time. But I haven't had a girlfriend for a long time. I'm used to guys falling for me, not girls. I like girls. Girls are amazing. But after a while I stopped looking for a girlfriend because none were looking for me. But I just recently started hanging out with an old friend of mine. And she's beautiful. Smart. Funny. She's everything. I never thought nothin' of it because one, I didn't seem like her type and two, girls just don't fall for me anymore. But she texted me one night saying she did. I wasn't sure what I felt other than surprise but I was confused. I was very confused. I'm still very confused. We've been hanging out a lot lately. And it makes me very happy. I Love hanging out with her. But I'm a little scared. It's been a long time since I've done anything with a girl. Sexually, I'm very not experienced. She's very experienced. I don't want to make a fool out of myself when it comes that ya know. But I don't really have a choice. And now I have to worry about Steven telling her lies when I'm not paying attention. Apparently he's already told her that I like to hurt people and she should get away as soon as she can. He's trying to ruin my relationship. Why? What right does he have?

18th Birthday

December 11 2008

I was not expecting to have a good birthday. Especially since in the beginning it sucked pretty bad. But I actually had a good time with some good friends. We didn't do anything too terribly special but I had friends and my daughter to share it with. With that, who can complain?

Thanks ya'll

Lid
Tricia
John
Jon
Becka
Tj
Greg
Vangeli
Taralyn
Taralyn's Friend
Mom
Misa
David
& last but not least
Alina