This is an email I sent to Steven's aunt Laurie who is a good friend of mine.
Well, first of all Steven and I broke up about nine months ago. We slept together on and off for about 6 months. Seeing as he lived with me it was difficult to tell him no since he wouldn't stop asking. Well, during this entire time, Steven lived with me and my family along with Alina. I decided that I didn't want to sleep with him anymore. He didn't believe me. Well I started talking to this guy, Seth, online who as we speak is a very good friend of mine. I'd like to point out that I am NOT dating him, I am NOT sleeping with him, I am JUST talking to him. Well anyway, I told Steven that I was starting to like this guy. Which I thought would be fine seeing as we weren't dating. On May 3rd, my mother, steven, and I had a misunderstanding. Steven and I thought that she kicked us out. Including Alina. In all actual reality, she only kicked me out, and only for a short period (day or so) but seeing as we thought it was permanent, we found other places to live. I went to live with my old friend Gabi. The only problem with that was that I couldn't bring Alina with me. So Steven offered to take her instead of me finding somewhere else to go seeing as we felt we had only a day to find a new home. Well, I didn't like the idea of Alina being with Dawn and Art, but I trusted Steven to take care of Alina and seeing as I was going to be picking her up in a couple months anyway, I figured it would be like a little vacation. So I sent her up with some of her stuff and sent my computer up with him since I had no where to put it where I was going. Well, two weeks later I called Steven and told her that I was back at home and that we'd be coming to pick Alina up the next day. He requested that I don't come up until after, I think it was fathers day. I figured it was fathers day so I'd let him have her another day. After fathers day I told him I'd be up the following tuesday. He said okay. On monday he told me not to come up on Tuesday because he was going to be busy, and not to come up wednesday or thursday either. I was suspicious of why but I figured he just wants to see her for longer. No big thing I thought. Well, when I finally got up there to get her, Art served me with custody papers and told me I wasn't allowed to see my daughter. Steven, that morning, had gone to Merced and requested sole custody of Alina. If you would like I can send you what he said about me but in summary he basically said that I was an unfit mother and that I didn't "have the time or the patience" to take care of Alina. He said some bad things, told a couple lies, so on and so forth.
We went to what's called an orientation. Basically they explained to us how this is going to effect Alina and showed us a video of a bunch of kids who went through the process saying what a terrible process it was. NOW YOU'D THINK that Steven would see all the pain these kids went through and change his mind about doing this but no. He did not. Many times I have offered other solutions that don't involve a custody fight. Before he even went to live with Dawn and Art in Los Banos, we had an agreement. And a good one for him too. Not so good for me but that was okay because Alina didn't have to get hurt in the process. Well, he didn't change his mind
Now keep in mind, Steven rarely lets me see Alina and it's usually for a short time (30 minutes.) Also understand that my mom works day and night every day so when I want to see Alina she has to take off work for the day, rent a car, and take me to Los Banos.
Today, well technically yesterday, we went to mediation which is where Steven and I tell a mediator about our lives and what we want out of this fight. The mediator decided that we were both unstable and that they were going to evalute our lives, meaning they had to open up our entire lives like books. The people we talk to the people who live with us our decisions our friends, so on and so forth. Now, I'm a good person, I'm a good daughter and though I wasn't in the beginning, I'm a good mother. But if my fate with my daughter depends on my family, I won't ever get to see my little girl again... My family makes bad decisions sometimes but they always learn from them and they would never do anything that could ruin my life with Alina. So my options are limited. Live at home with mom and never see my daughter again OR find another place to live, get a job, finish school, and get a car within the next week which would almost guarantee me to get Alina back. So obviously I'm workin' on the second one. So far I have a place to live in Los Banos with one of my aunts. If I can get the car, I can get a job that is in los banos. Next to that I'm signing up for the proficiency examine tomorrow so I can get my diploma.
um, other than that, Steven is being immature and selfish about this entire thing. He's mad that I like someone and he's mad that I won't fuck him anymore so he's throwing custody fights in my face. And the only one getting hurt by it is my family and my daughter. He's hurting innocent people because he's jealous, pissed off, and because his fuckin' mother wants everything she shouldn't be allowed to have. Laurie, she's going to teach my daughter that I'm a terrible person. And with the visitation that they are allowing me to have, I can't prove to her otherwise...
I missed her first halloween because they left trick-or-treating before I could get there even though I tried as hard as I could to get there. I missed her first Thanksgiving because I thought it would be nice for Alina to share it with her grandmother and grand-stepfather. I missed her first Christmas because Dawn refused to pick her up Christmas eve night so she could have her on Christmas day. I missed my first mothers day because Steven wouldn't bring her down. And now I'm going to miss her first birthday. I KNOW you can imagine how much that hurts me. I've missed so many firsts Laurie, I'm runnin' out...
That's basically what's going on. Right now I'm trying to gather all of the money I can so I can get a car that will get to Los Banos and back so I can visit my family and Alina can visit hers. I have one week to get all of this. Or at least to set it all up.
I don't understand how he doesn't see what he's doing.
