A huge one at that. And those of you that don't know, I'm not very good at admitting when I'm wrong. So if me doing so isn't a big deal to you, then you shouldn't be reading this.
I fucked up. I fell hard for someone who promised me everything I wanted. Someone who promised to take me out of all the drama that came with being where I am. Promised to take me as me, and love me as that. With all my faults and flaws, he promised to take care of me. And knew that it wasn't real. Inside, I did. But I couldn't talk myself out of the hope that it could be true.Because of that, I lost two friends that I think about everyday. Two friends I will think about the rest of my life. Wishing that I hadn't done what I had done. I didn't choose. It's not that I didn't choose them, it's that I didn't choose at all. I hoped that I could keep both. Two of my last few friends left, were lost. In no way was it their fault. It was all me. When they left, I didn't do anything. I stand by my choice to not do anything, but once they left I leaned onto him. Hoping that he would stand by my side through anything that happened, just like he had promised. And as I was leaning, he suddenly stepped away, and watched me fall .He said he couldn't handle the drama that surrounds me. And suddenly, I had not only lost my friend, but I had lost the man who was the cause of me losing my friends. And there was no one; except Alina. Who, though she loves to jabber, isn't that helpful to talk to.
I don't expect to be forgiven, or given another chance, or anything like that. Honestly, if I was on the opposite side of this table, I wouldn't offer any more cards. I just needed someone, anyone, to know that I'm sorry. And that I miss the three I lost. But that if I had to do it over, I wouldn't change a thing. Becuase for a little while, I was COMPLETELY happy. And that's not something that I've had the pleasure of feeling.
Everyone wants their moment of happiness, I wasn't going to wait to try to have mine.
I'm Sorry, I Love you, No Regrets
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